Here's What's On My Mind

First and foremost, I finally saw Ironman, and it is super badass. Robert Downey Jr., a man who I have never felt was any more badass than King Friday of the Land of Makebelieve on Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, blew me away with his humor as well as his decision to go straight to the cause of his upset conscience and blow it to hell. He did kind of bother me as the guy who has no respect for women at all, but since he is smart, rich, and super cocky, women cannot resist spending the night with him. This is not a strike against RDJ, but women in general. They are not attracted to men who have interested in them, they are only attracted to men who treat them like they are objects of desire and lust and nothing more. Or maybe all women are simply just not interested in me. Speaking of said objects, Gwenyth Paltrow was looking very nice in this film. So, a movie that had every opportunity to be cheesey and extremely lame denied the humanly desire to be lazy and unremarkable and took the high road to greatness, humor, and entertainment.

Speaking of the common human shortcoming of laziness, people need to check themselves. Recently I began working at a well known warehouse store as a cart wrangler. It is amazing how many douchebags simply leave their carts in the middle of the parking lot, or even better, as far away from the store as possible. How inconsiderate can you be? Holy crap people, is it really that tough to push your cart ten feet and put it in its properly marked place? You pushed it all over the store and out to your car, can't you push it just a little further? Seeing this has made me look at other aspects of my life and caused me to ask myself, "Am I being considerate to other people?" I'm not saying I am a saint, but I have been trying to show other people a little consideration rather than treating them like they don't matter. It's something to think about. . .

Badass

In reading the blogs posted on croonies.com the word 'badass' has come up a plethora of times. This has caused great reflection in my mind about the most badass movies that I have seen. While I have not yet seen Ironman, that will not be on the list, but I do have a couple I think all would agree are badass. Here are my top three.

Coming in at number three: Four Brothers. A tale of four hardened young orphans who grew up in a foster home with a kind and loving foster mother. Their mother had found permanent homes for hundreds of other children, these four were the only kids too wild and out of control to find a home for, so she kept them and raised them herself. When she is murdered, the four come back to town, and when the police don't work fast enough, they start an investigation of their own. Mark Wahlberg gives his usual 'mess with me, I'll break your face performance' and leads his three other 'brothers' down a trail of deceit, bribery, corruption, and murder that leads back to a local gangster, Victor Sweets. Talk about a tale of shoot first and ask questions later. Model/actor/musician Tyrese delivers a believable performance as a tough black man from the hood, though he does tend to overdo it at times. Andre 3000 from Outkast nailed his role as the sensible family man who seems to be the only brother to have made anything out of himself. And Garrett Hedlund rounds the list off as the kid punk-rock brother trying to show his older siblings he can bang and brawl with the best of 'em. An action packed thriller from beginning to end, this film definitely qualifies as badass.

Second place on my list is a film that perhaps not a lot of people remember: Tombstone. Kurt Russell plays Wyatt Earp, retired Kansas lawdog looking to leave his past and become rich in the mining town of Tombstone, Arizona. Along with his brothers, Virgil and Morgan, and their wives, they buy a share of a local saloon and set up shop. A gang called the Cowboys is prevalent in Tombstone. These guys are above the law and do what they please whenever they please. So when Wyatt's brothers accept positions as town sheriffs, Cowboys and Earp's clash. In the infamous shootout at the O.K. Corral, the Earp's, accompanied by Doc Holliday (Val Kilmer), kill numerous Cowboys. In revenge, the Cowboys kill Wyatt's younger brother Morgan, and attempt to kill is older brother Virgil and their wives. What follows is the definition of badass. Wyatt and Doc assemble a posse and go on a Cowboy killing spree. Perhaps the most badass moment of the film is when Doc Holliday confronts Cowboy leader Johnny Ringo in a showdown to end all showdowns. While this film is totally badass, the first half can move a bit slow, causing it to come in second to the most badass film of all time. . .

The Departed. That's right, I know you knew it was coming. How could this movie not be number one? It is filled with hardened gangsters, corrupt cops, clean cops, under cover agents on both sides of the law. It's got suspense that will raise your blood pressure to the point of exploding! How good is this movie? I watched the whole movie, then watched the theatrical trailer right after, and that made me want to immediately watch it again! Martin Scorsese showed once more that he is the master of mob, murder, and mayhem. Jack Nicholson was a perfect, evil, gangster genius who couldn't be touched by the cops. Matt Damon performed amazingly as the undercover rat for Nicholson in the state police department. This film made me realize that Leo DiCaprio can be more than just a chick-flick posterboy, he can downright act. Throw in a little comic relief from Alec Baldwin and the most badass of all, Mark Wahlberg, and how could this not be the most badass movie in the world? Even the soundtrack was badass. Everytime the Dropkick Murphy's Irish rock plays it sends shivers up my spine. Though Scorsese has directed some good films in his life, including Goodfellas, I have to say that this is his best film ever.

And there you have it folks. Don't like it, feel free to comment. You won't change my mind, and you'll be wrong, but if you gotta get something off your chest, feel free.

Hopeless

A lot of people say that feeling sorry for yourself doesn't get you anywhere. True, but saying that doesn't make me feel any less sorry for myself. I am a born worrier. If something remains undone I can't seem to get it out of my head until I take care of business. For example, I need to find an apartment by the end of the month. I thought I had things taken care of, then, as life seems to do as often as possible, things fell through. That really bugs the hell out of me, you know, when you think something is going to happen, then due to no fault of your own, some third party messes up and forces you to start from scratch. Add on top of that the new job I started that I don't like along with the new co-workers I didn't seem to click with, plus the chickless life I lead, and this summer is really lookin' like it's going to be a great one.

I'm Back

Due to the vehement requests of my faithful reader, I have decided to make a more concerted effort to try to write more often. I went to a baseball game last night. Nothing big, just a small time farm league team, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself nonetheless. Most of the scoring was done before I got there, and no runs were scored until the game winner, which I will talk about momentarily. It was run listening to my friend heckle the opposing team, and perhaps more amusing was watching his girlfriend turn her head in embarrassment and shame while he shouted nonsensical rantings at the top of his lungs. I would have to say one of the best parts of the night was purchasing the "All Star", which is simply a huge wiener with the works. Man that wiener was messy, I got more on my face than I did in my mouth. But it was all worth it, those succulent juices kept my stomach full for the rest of the evening. Anywho, the game went into extra innings with the score tied 2-2. Then, in the bottom of the 11th, one of the dudes on our team cranked one over the center-field fence. Talk about drama and excitement.

But now on to what I really wanted to talk about, how computer animation and CGI is ruining film. Now I am a huge fan of new technology and the fascinating new things that can be done with computers in this day in age. My problem is how over-reliant many filmmakers are becoming on these new technologies. Case in point: the new Star Wars. I don't know if anything in those films other than the human actors and actresses were real. It looked like the third film was shot entirely in front of a blue-screen. Nothing looked remotely real. In my opinion, the reason the original films were so sweet was because they went to the effort to painstakingly hand craft everything, from the models to the uniforms to the makeup for the aliens creatures. It looked real because it was real. Not real aliens, but real people in real makeup. If there were such things as aliens, that is what they would have looked like.

I can't pretend like I am not a fan of Toy Story, The Incredibles, or Monster's, Inc., but these films are not attempting to tell the story of real-life people or occurrences. I Am Legend would have been a much more enjoyable film had the director attempted to use real actors in modern make-up to imitate the infected population. And don't even get me started on Beowulf! Using new computer technology for things that are impossible to create in real life is fine. Even using it to make life easier for filmmakers does not bother me one bit. But let's not get lazy folks! Forgetting that humans can be pretty good at turning a regular human being into a wookie, a stormtrooper, or a human infected with some ungodly disease leads to over-reliance on something that does not do justice to the people paying money to watch your films.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I don't know what it is about this time of year, but people go crazy for college basketball. Pools are put together from work bracket tourneys to friendly competitions to gangsters who will break your thumbs when you don't cover the spread. In the past I have been part of these escapades (as my crooked left thumb will attest). I must admit that normally the thrill one gets from predicting the outcome of a totally meaningless game is unmatched in other areas of sporting activity. It's almost like successfully picking a game somehow makes up for a pathetic personal life, the debt that is slowly asphyxiating me, or that night I 'couldn't quite perform'. Yes, bracketology has indeed become one of the most important sciences our young nation has at its disposal. Unfortunately this year I didn't get the chance to fill out a bracket and that has lead to something I never thought possible: complete disinterest.

I have found that I could care less about who wins or loses. With the exception of hoping Kansas loses asap, Davidson could end up the champs and I wouldn't raise an eyebrow. (Only kidding about the Kansas jab Cronnie. Go Jayhawks! That is, if I cared of course.) Friends and family call me asking if I am watching 'the game'. "Oh, yes, of course" I reply as I turn down the T.V. so they can't hear the theme song to Hanna Montana playing in the background. "Can you believe San Diego just upset UConn?!" "Yeah, I can't believe that guy made that shot that one time. Amazing," as Miley Cyrus belts out "The Best of Both Worlds". I'll tell you, lots of people wrote off Billy Ray after "Achy Breaky Heart", but I always had faith he'd return to the top, even if it was through his budding 15 year old daughter. But I diverge from my point. Simply not filling out a bracket has turned one of the most exciting times of the year into a total snore for me. I'd love to find Doc Brown, hop into his DeLorean, crank that baby up to 88 miles per hour and go back in time to fill out a bracket and see how that one small incident could change my future for good, or for evil. . .

Bitch

So lately things have been pretty depressing in the female department for me. I broke up with my girlfriend, an awesome gal, but I just wasn't feelin' it. I'm not the kind of guy to have a girlfriend just for the sake of having a girlfriend, so I had to break things off. What's more, I recently discovered that a former love interest is engaged. No, not to me, but to another man. One word enters my mind: bitch. This has happened to me approximately four times now. It seems that I am only satisfied with girls who have absolutely no interest in me at all. I must ask: What is not to like? I am freaking hot, with long, luscious locks of hair that I keep shiny and wavy (I spent six bucks on shampoo, which is roughly six times what I usually pay). I think it is true what they say, treat a girl like shit and she'll come back for more, but treat her like a princess and she'll take you for granted and crush you without explaining why. This also leads me to believe that my ex-girlfriend can only be thinking one thing about me: asshole.

Which brings me to my next point: I have given up on finding another gal by myself. I am what the government would call a discouraged dater. I have no hope of finding the right girl for me, so I sit at home, wallowing in self pity and oggling the hotties on the E network. I would make a plea to all those who read this blog, but since that only adds up to about two people, I feel such a plea would be in vain. So here is a big f--- you to all those who are happily involved in a relationship. In the words of Happy Gilmore, "Suck my white ass every girl I have ever wanted!"

St. Patrick's Day

This is a blog that my little brother recently posted. I am speachless. I guess he was born with a writer's genius that I was not blessed with.

St Patricks Day

Ah spring time. The air is warm and the snow is melting, the trees are blooming everything is fine and no one has a care in the world, right? WRONG!!! Along with this wonderful season we also have a terrible vermin among us. This wonderful holiday that we have rapidly approaching upon us called St. Patricks day. There is a dirty beast amongst us at this time, a beast so brutal and in human i dare not look at them. Thats right im talking about the leprechaun. This little demon takes advantage of us as we are partying in our drunken state. The leprechaun will sneak into you underwear drawer and take all of your underwear and throw them all in the dirty clothes hamper. So when you wake up the next morning and shower you cant find any clean underwear. When you are in this situation you cant think of anything to do. And that is when that little jerk gets his satisfaction. My advice to you my friends is to take a pair of clean underwear and put it on top of the fridge. You might be asking yourself why the fridge, well the fridge is much taller than a dirty little leprechaun thus causing him much grief. By the time he can get to the top of the fridge he will have tired himself out and in turn fallen asleep.
By the time you wake up and find that you have no underwear in your drawer, dont fret there is a nice clean pair on top of the fridge.


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