The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I don't know what it is about this time of year, but people go crazy for college basketball. Pools are put together from work bracket tourneys to friendly competitions to gangsters who will break your thumbs when you don't cover the spread. In the past I have been part of these escapades (as my crooked left thumb will attest). I must admit that normally the thrill one gets from predicting the outcome of a totally meaningless game is unmatched in other areas of sporting activity. It's almost like successfully picking a game somehow makes up for a pathetic personal life, the debt that is slowly asphyxiating me, or that night I 'couldn't quite perform'. Yes, bracketology has indeed become one of the most important sciences our young nation has at its disposal. Unfortunately this year I didn't get the chance to fill out a bracket and that has lead to something I never thought possible: complete disinterest.

I have found that I could care less about who wins or loses. With the exception of hoping Kansas loses asap, Davidson could end up the champs and I wouldn't raise an eyebrow. (Only kidding about the Kansas jab Cronnie. Go Jayhawks! That is, if I cared of course.) Friends and family call me asking if I am watching 'the game'. "Oh, yes, of course" I reply as I turn down the T.V. so they can't hear the theme song to Hanna Montana playing in the background. "Can you believe San Diego just upset UConn?!" "Yeah, I can't believe that guy made that shot that one time. Amazing," as Miley Cyrus belts out "The Best of Both Worlds". I'll tell you, lots of people wrote off Billy Ray after "Achy Breaky Heart", but I always had faith he'd return to the top, even if it was through his budding 15 year old daughter. But I diverge from my point. Simply not filling out a bracket has turned one of the most exciting times of the year into a total snore for me. I'd love to find Doc Brown, hop into his DeLorean, crank that baby up to 88 miles per hour and go back in time to fill out a bracket and see how that one small incident could change my future for good, or for evil. . .

Bitch

So lately things have been pretty depressing in the female department for me. I broke up with my girlfriend, an awesome gal, but I just wasn't feelin' it. I'm not the kind of guy to have a girlfriend just for the sake of having a girlfriend, so I had to break things off. What's more, I recently discovered that a former love interest is engaged. No, not to me, but to another man. One word enters my mind: bitch. This has happened to me approximately four times now. It seems that I am only satisfied with girls who have absolutely no interest in me at all. I must ask: What is not to like? I am freaking hot, with long, luscious locks of hair that I keep shiny and wavy (I spent six bucks on shampoo, which is roughly six times what I usually pay). I think it is true what they say, treat a girl like shit and she'll come back for more, but treat her like a princess and she'll take you for granted and crush you without explaining why. This also leads me to believe that my ex-girlfriend can only be thinking one thing about me: asshole.

Which brings me to my next point: I have given up on finding another gal by myself. I am what the government would call a discouraged dater. I have no hope of finding the right girl for me, so I sit at home, wallowing in self pity and oggling the hotties on the E network. I would make a plea to all those who read this blog, but since that only adds up to about two people, I feel such a plea would be in vain. So here is a big f--- you to all those who are happily involved in a relationship. In the words of Happy Gilmore, "Suck my white ass every girl I have ever wanted!"

St. Patrick's Day

This is a blog that my little brother recently posted. I am speachless. I guess he was born with a writer's genius that I was not blessed with.

St Patricks Day

Ah spring time. The air is warm and the snow is melting, the trees are blooming everything is fine and no one has a care in the world, right? WRONG!!! Along with this wonderful season we also have a terrible vermin among us. This wonderful holiday that we have rapidly approaching upon us called St. Patricks day. There is a dirty beast amongst us at this time, a beast so brutal and in human i dare not look at them. Thats right im talking about the leprechaun. This little demon takes advantage of us as we are partying in our drunken state. The leprechaun will sneak into you underwear drawer and take all of your underwear and throw them all in the dirty clothes hamper. So when you wake up the next morning and shower you cant find any clean underwear. When you are in this situation you cant think of anything to do. And that is when that little jerk gets his satisfaction. My advice to you my friends is to take a pair of clean underwear and put it on top of the fridge. You might be asking yourself why the fridge, well the fridge is much taller than a dirty little leprechaun thus causing him much grief. By the time he can get to the top of the fridge he will have tired himself out and in turn fallen asleep.
By the time you wake up and find that you have no underwear in your drawer, dont fret there is a nice clean pair on top of the fridge.


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